“Vi” was a neighbor, much older than I, who lived up the
road when we first moved here. She was a devoted member of the nearby Bible
church, and her mission was to spread the word and save souls.
For several years we shared telephone service on a party line,
but once we were able to get a private line she and I didn’t have much contact.
However, when I was 37 she called me. I remember my age because my mom had just
turned 38 when she died. Like most adults who lost a parent in childhood, I’d
grown anxious as I approached my mother’s final age. The anxiety had begun in
childhood, so it developed quite a head of steam over the years. Vi called
on a particularly bad day.
You have to imagine her voice. It’s easy—just channel a loud
Wicked Witch of the West. I picked up the phone and heard: “Susan! It’s time to
prepare for your death!”
WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE DOING??
ReplyDeleteOMG—did she have any idea? It's kind of hilarious.
ReplyDeleteShe had no idea. She knew I didn't go to her church—or any church—and she thought if I died in this state I was doomed. So it was up to her to save my soul. I agree, the story has its hilarious side—and it's even funnier in person because I can do her voice to perfection. It was so harsh!
ReplyDeleteNot so funny was the card she sent after Jill died. She wrote that Jill would go to heaven "IF she'd paid attention to the Bible."
Ugh. These Bible people.
ReplyDeleteWhat Sabine and Dona said.
ReplyDeleteSeriously? I think you need to find out where she lives and scare the bejesus out of her by pretending you've returned from the grave.
ReplyDeleteOh, I know where she lives. Well, more or less. She's saving souls in heaven now. Or not.
ReplyDeleteYea, what they all said.
ReplyDelete