When I was pregnant with my second child, one of my best friends was married to a psychologist. This was 1975, and he subscribed to the tabula rasa theory that we are blank slates when we are born. Everything my child would become, he told me, depended on my input. There was no "nature vs. nurture" in his mind. It was nurture all the way.
But even as a newborn, Gillian was noticeably different from her sister. I mentioned this to the learned psychologist, and he said—insisted—that I must have treated her differently. I knew I hadn't, but he said the difference could be so subtle that I'd be unaware of it. He and his wife soon moved away. I wonder at what point in his practice he had to admit defeat on this issue.
A few years later my son was born. Ms. magazine was trying to tell us that girls and boys are the equivalent of blank slates. Despite obvious biological differences, if we would just treat them equally (i.e., give dolls to boys), they'd grow up very much alike. Well, my son had plenty of his sisters' dolls at his disposal, but I stopped thinking about all that the day my male toddler looked out the window and exclaimed in delight, "TRUCK, Mama!! BIG truck!!!" His sisters had never done that. Not even close.
Yes, I hear this again and again from people who have both boys and girls.
ReplyDeleteThough I will admit that one of my earliest memories is being given a doll at Christmas from an aunt and I turned to my mother and declared loudly, with disgust, "oh no, it's a doll!"
(And I had a big yellow truck to play with!)
My son had beloved stuffed animals, but he dragged them around by the leg. My daughter instinctively carried things like a mother would carry a baby. I'm guessing learned psychologist had no children?
ReplyDeleteLearned psychologist had one toddler at the time. I don't know if they had any more children after that.
DeleteLook at any family. Nurture is important, but I truly believe that each person is born with unique personality—NOT a blank slate.
ReplyDeleteThose first studies they did on twins who were raised apart were so revealing. They had things in common no one would ever have imagined.
DeleteI was a believer in the blank slate (or was it the "Free to be You and Me"?) theory plus I wanted to make sure my son and daughter were exposed to traditional opposite of their birth-gender things. Clare once begged for a doll at a garage sale but I bought her a truck instead. I bought Andrew a Cabbage Patch doll at the same garage sale. Clare rocked her truck in her arms and put it to bed with a blanket over it. Andrew stole the truck and ran over his Cabbage Patch doll.
ReplyDeleteLOL I love this!
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